BACK AT IT

I'm back. Yet again. So hard to keep up with these things, but eventually I return to blogger, crack up at myself and all of my stupid musings, and decide, I like this little corner of the world - its nice to have my rediculous life documented, and I am not giving up documenting till I get my happy ever after.

Quick Recap of the last year. Dating Sucks. I still tried, until I met a guy who was by far the most disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man, that I swore off of Match.com forever. In a nutshell, he hit on me in a restaurant after I had emailed him directly- which he never responded to because according to him, I look fat in my pictures (Any girl knows you don't put fat pics on your profile, and this particular girl happens to be rather photogenic almost to a fault) After a drink he begged to come home with me and when I said 'No' he sent me a lewd text message alluding to the fact that he didnt need me to be satisfied afterall.. It was horrible.

So I tried dating on my own.. which was not very successful. I met one guy, through my ex the Big Guy (who returned to town last April unexpectedly) and I really liked our connection. It went well, until the Big Guy interferred and we imploded, which we were inevitably going to do, but was disappointing none the less. So now I am single again.. and besides the fact that everyone I know is now married, and having kids... I'm still enjoying my life. I'm lonely, I wont lie, but I try to find the perks in singlehood - like I only have to clean up after myself. I get the entire bed to stretch out on. My money is MY money and if I want to spend it all on shoes.. or booze, I can. And I will.

And I can go anywhere or do anything I want. Which is why I am spending the summer in the Windy City! I am so excited to get out of town, have a change of scenery, and a fresh perspective. My job allows me to work from most anywhere, so I will be taking advantage and enjoying some Midwest sunshine. Hopefully, it is full of entertaining stories and experiences, and I can fill this blog up again.

Till then, hope you are having a red letter day. x

SCATTERED

I’ve been focusing on the new apartment so much lately, I have basically let me social life completely slide. That, and I just have lost all energy for dating. The back and forth between perfectionism and absolute annihilating self-hatred is brutal. Seriously. Especially for a total over thinker such as myself.

Case in point. Mr. Baseball. I STILL have not ended it with him. I can’t seem to cut the ties. I keep convincing myself that it MUST be me. Even though I am pretty sure it is him. But while true that he is a poor communicator, a bit doofus-sy, and slightly boring, he is super sweet, and cute, and seems trustworthy and sincere. These are great qualities, important qualities in a mate. But also more than likely common qualities, that I could probably find in someone more exciting (!) Why do I do this to myself, and most of all why do I keep making excuses for HIM. I am hell bent on believing that I am the issue. But maybe I truly am. I feel like I should at least see him in a more social situation, among other people before I judge what type of person he is. I also feel like I should see him in a more private setting, more conducive to heart to heart conversations. I still can’t believe he is taking this sh*t from me though. I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks, and pushed him off till next week while I focus on the apartment… yet he still “can’t wait to see {me}”. (Note the ping pong thinking (!))

Meanwhile, I realized this weekend, I have a crush… as evidenced by the outrageous jealousy I had when after spending the first half of the night flirting with me at the local watering hole, my softball teammate proceeded to make out with some 40yr OLD blonde, (note the cattiness). I am not normally a mean or jealous person, but after a few drinks, I tell ya, that ol' green monster reared its ugly head. And it was not pretty. Kind of shocked me too, and now I am not really sure what to do about it. Do I confess, or just let it play out? Tempted to do the opposite of what I think I should do, because clearly nothing I’ve done in the past is working for me. So. Sick. Of. Being. Single.

On a happier note… two of my besties came by this weekend and helped me paint my apartment… here is a sneak peak of the feature wall. Oh don’t act surprised, you knew I’d do something dramatic.

GET OUT THE CHALK

In other news… the ‘other guy’ has simply disappeared out of my life. Thank God. No awkward talks, no weird, “I’m just not that into you”.. or confessions that when I kiss you I feel NOTHING. We were supposed to go out last week, but I never reached out, and neither did he. Phew! So glad. BUT… seriously- he rejected me ? ??

Mr. Baseball and I went out again too, and it was really fun. Just drinks and a movie, but it was nice, and he was sweet, and the conversation was actually interesting. So yesterday we went bowling and I was honestly excited to see him. And …. It was a bore. And we were bowling! WTF is wrong with me??? Every time I look forward to seeing him, I have a terrible time. When I dread the date, we have fun. I don’t know why I want to keep giving him another shot. (?) I can’t figure out if I don’t like him because I am a judgmental b*tch or if he is just too goofy for me and he really is the problem. Ugh. This time, I really think I do need to end it. L He dropped more than a few “babies” and “honies” and rather than find them endearing, I cringed. Probably not a good sign, eh?

Back to the drawing board…

DESIGN ON A DIME

I’ve been working on projects for the new pad and could not be more excited about the opportinuty to DECORATE!

I don’t know if it’s the thrill of the deal, the adventure of seeing the potential in a product and then watching it come to life, or if I am just plain ol’ too cheap; but I do not spend $$ on furniture. There are so many treasures out there that just need a little TLC.

Like this beauty. I wish I had a before photo, it was a lighter color with a horrible maroon striped seat. BUT it was $5 @Goodwill. I stained it to match my desk, and added a new seat cover and voi’la! A chair that matches my other cane chairs. Its not perfect, but for $5 and the fact that it matches my previous finds... i love it.

And I found this cheap drum table, also at Goodwill, which was exactly what I had in mind for use with my other cane chairs. However, it is proving to be a bigger challenge than I had thought, but hopefully will be worth it in the end. I was thinking of painting it darker brown, with a burst of color in the interior of the drawer… but now considering white.

What do you think?

And last but not least- this is what I am thinking for the main wall.. a little dramatic, but I think the new place may just need a little drama, like that created by a bold chevron stripe.

HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY

What a weekend. Note to self- leave at least one weekend day for productivity- not dating. Oi.

Went out with the ‘other guy’ on Saturday for lunch, and for our non-alcoholic date which turned into us sitting in a pub for hours- drinking beer. Okay, maybe not lots of hours, but at least 2. It was a decent date, but I was disappointed in his lack of creativity. I am not sure what it Is about date # 3 too- it was another bit of a dud. Boo. The conversation was good, and deep again, but getting a little repetitive. He walked me to my bus afterwards in the rain, and then basically attacked me at the bus stop. Would have been fine if I found his kisses enjoyable, but to be honest- I feel nothing. Not bad, not good. And I really tried too. We’re going out this week for a bowling date- yes, I am lacking in originality, but I know bowling is always going to be a fun date. And this guy and I need to have some fun together.

Yesterday I went out with Mr. Baseball. It was nice to see him in the afternoon, and have a casual date. We had lunch, went for a nice leisurely walk in the sun, (Yes, it was sunny here yesterday!) and then ended up having a tour de competition- first ping pong, in which he slaughtered me, then some pool, and finally a rematch of BuckHunter. It was actually a great date, but I think I am going to have to end it. In the middle of lunch he said he wanted to take me away for a weekend. I literally choked on the bite I was taking as he said it. I later thanked him for the invite and explained that I am dating other people and don’t really feel ready to take it to the ‘weekend getaway’ level with anybody just yet. He understood, and was very sweet about it, but I still know he is going to be bummed when I put the kibosh on US. He is so sweet, and cute, and there is chemistry, but he is a bore, and kind of drives me nuts in general. I just don’t see a future, and need to end it before it goes any further. Bummer.

I also found out this weekend that my Mr. Big Equivalent, is moving back home to be a baby daddy. Apparently he knocked up an old friend while he was back East visiting the fam for Christmas. I am shocked, but also excited for him. And as my dear friend pointed out, maybe it’s a good thing that all my exes are moving away, and making it that much easier for me to move on. She is totally right, especially since I had been thinking about giving him a call Saturday night to help me get over my bad date blues… So glad I didn’t!!

But she is right- feels good to clear out the old, and bring on the new. Just going to keep trying, and continue to kiss as many frogs as it takes. xo

GROWING ON UP

So I went out with Mr. Baseball again. And I was definitely still excited to see him, even after my good first date with the ”Other Guy”. We had dinner at a beautiful restaurant down by the marina, great food, decent wine, and it was a total bore! Boo. I found myself struggling to find questions to ask, completely bored by his responses, and somewhat annoyed that nothing was ever reciprocated. There were more than a few silences, which to me felt awkward- but he seemed to not even notice. I basically cut the date short, and went home feeling kinda bummed… and confused, and reminded; the 3rd date can say so much!

Then I went out with the ‘Other Guy’ for date #2, and once again the conversation was awesome! Multi dimensional, passionate, deep and meaningful. So refreshing compared to Mr. Baseball. But of course the attraction is slightly lower. But to be honest, I’m okay with that, because I still seem to enjoy his company, and I am trying to grow in this department, and I am feeling really good about it. I am truly excited to get to know him further, and looking forward to spending more time with him. Our date #3 is scheduled for tomorrow. A daytime date, with no drinking involved. I am excited, and curious to see just how adventurous this guy really is. And to see if date #3 is the tell tale sign.

But… I had date #4 with Mr. Baseball last night, and it was fun, but I still just don’t think I am ‘feeling IT”. The problem is, I am definitely feeling the kisses. Every time he kisses me I get dizzy and forget that I still haven’t told him that I am seeing other people and I’d like to take things slow. I tried liquid courage, but that didn’t work! I suck. And now I am all nervous for our date on Sunday. I have no idea on how to broach the subject. I hate uncomfortable situations. I guess that is why we date though- to grow, right? Or as my friend said, "to learn compassion from being on both sides of the table".

Damn you compassion. Damn you self growth!