EQUIPMENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SKILL

I had a MATCH date last night. I met him at a popular wine bar before we headed up to the hip, trendy bar/bowling alley for a little friendly competition. Hey, I’m not one to sit on the sidelines, I like to play. So bowling on a first date sounded perfect.

I walk into the bar and he's seated having a drink already. Strike One. I ordered a red wine and we made small talk. Somehow it came out that he was a divorcé. Not an issue for me. At 29, with a thing for older and wiser (ok, ok, not necessarily wiser, but one can hope!), I’m use to the divorced crowd- I can handle it. So I casually ask, “Oh you were married, what happened?” expecting to hear a simple “it just didn’t work” or “we went different ways”. Instead, no joke, he says “ I was afraid of coming home to a pool of blood again.” dramatic pause. “ Or that the EMT’S would be there, or maybe this time she’d be dead.” another dramatic pause. “She was suicidal.” Strike Two.

internal voice: “WHOA BUDDY! This is the first date! This is the first drink on the first date! Didn’t anyone teach you about censoring???“ Once I got over the initial shock and awkwardness, made even more awkward by the hot bartender who so clearly saw that this was a bad first date… I suggested we move on.

Now we're at the bowling alley parking garage and as I make my way to the entrance he is reaching into the trunk of the car. That’s right, he brought his own ball and shoes. He then turns to me and nonchalantly says “Equipment has nothing to do with skill.” Which he then proved as I proceeded to kick his ass! 5 out of 4 games I won! The schmuck could barely break 100. Strike Three.

Lesson to all you men out there, if you are going to bring your equipment on the first date, you’d better be prepared to demonstrate proper use of it, and KICK MY ASS. Otherwise, leave it at home.