B-I-N-G-OH YEAH HONEY…

I’ve decided that focusing on the dating scene may not be the best use of my time. It’s exhausting, time consuming, and I’ve had enough bad first dates recently to want to give up on men all together. Seriously, there are some creepies out there!

Instead… I think I’m going to work on the ladies.. No, I’m not switching teams, just my focus!! I’ve realized it’s time to make some girl friends in this city. Now don’t get me wrong I have some of the most fabulous girl friends in the world. Seriously, not to knock your friends, but the ladies in my life are some rediculously exceptional women, whom I love dearly. But I don’t ever see them. :( Some are half way across the country, others a ferry boat ride away. I can’t just call them up last minute and show up at their house with a bottle of wine on a Tuesday.

So this weekend I accepted an invite from my co-worker to attend Gay Bingo with some other local straight ladies. It was a blast! And I have to admit, I was a little nervous to show up to this group of already established friends- in costume no less; I am a girl I know what bitches we can be, but everyone was so inviting and welcoming I was blown away. It reminded me just how important the female network is. Plus, as I pointed out to my mother- whose current goal in life seems to be to marry me off, increasing my friend base of both single and married women only increases my odds of meeting an eligible bachelor- and it is a hell of a lot more fun than hanging with some first date losers. Hey, sometimes you’ve got to whoop it up with some drag queens to lead you to Mr. Right…

UH-OH SPAGHETTIo'S

Is it weird that every once in a while I still wonder what my ex is up to and try to answer that question by digging around on facebook? I think that makes me a stalker…. crap…

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE WOMAN…

Did you hear about the woman who went on 100 dates in 6 months? Really??? Have you ever tried going on numerous dates in a week? I once had 4 back to back ‘first date’ nights and thought I was going to need a straight jacket- or maybe just some serious drugs and wine to erase the horrible memories…. And the exhaustion- it’s hard being cute and charming and your ‘best self’ night after night. Sheesh. This woman did 14!!! Bless her soul. But I have to wonder.. .. Did she really give these guys a fair shot by meeting them for what couldn’t have been longer than an hour? Or is my friend Kate right, it only takes 2 seconds to know if the potential exists???

EQUIPMENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SKILL

I had a MATCH date last night. I met him at a popular wine bar before we headed up to the hip, trendy bar/bowling alley for a little friendly competition. Hey, I’m not one to sit on the sidelines, I like to play. So bowling on a first date sounded perfect.

I walk into the bar and he's seated having a drink already. Strike One. I ordered a red wine and we made small talk. Somehow it came out that he was a divorcé. Not an issue for me. At 29, with a thing for older and wiser (ok, ok, not necessarily wiser, but one can hope!), I’m use to the divorced crowd- I can handle it. So I casually ask, “Oh you were married, what happened?” expecting to hear a simple “it just didn’t work” or “we went different ways”. Instead, no joke, he says “ I was afraid of coming home to a pool of blood again.” dramatic pause. “ Or that the EMT’S would be there, or maybe this time she’d be dead.” another dramatic pause. “She was suicidal.” Strike Two.

internal voice: “WHOA BUDDY! This is the first date! This is the first drink on the first date! Didn’t anyone teach you about censoring???“ Once I got over the initial shock and awkwardness, made even more awkward by the hot bartender who so clearly saw that this was a bad first date… I suggested we move on.

Now we're at the bowling alley parking garage and as I make my way to the entrance he is reaching into the trunk of the car. That’s right, he brought his own ball and shoes. He then turns to me and nonchalantly says “Equipment has nothing to do with skill.” Which he then proved as I proceeded to kick his ass! 5 out of 4 games I won! The schmuck could barely break 100. Strike Three.

Lesson to all you men out there, if you are going to bring your equipment on the first date, you’d better be prepared to demonstrate proper use of it, and KICK MY ASS. Otherwise, leave it at home.

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. I THINK...

I’m single; I’m dating. I hate dating.

As soon as I think I like someone I start doubting it, too tall, too short, don’t like the way they laugh, or how they eat spaghetti- it’s like a repeating episode of Seinfeld…. and then inevitably someone close to me, or even someone I barely know, can make one comment about by new amor and I am convinced they’re right, he is not the guy for me. I send them packing with a “better luck with the next girl, buddy.”…

To say it is predictable doesn’t even come close. It’s like clock work. Two weeks, 5 dates, whatever come first… bam, I’m done. Too scary, too much effort, you’re too into me, you’re not enough like my last boyfriend (who I guarantee you I tried to send packing in week 2), I’m done... I have done it ever since I was 16.

I even warn potential boyfriends I am going to do it, but they just don't hear it. They don't heed the warning signs, and BAM! I'm spooked. I like to think that it isn't me, that it's them, and I 'm just reacting to red flags. but deep down I kinda know that's b.s. so now what?