THE ART OF DISGUISE

Next step with Operation Vegan is introducing my friends to some Vegan fare without them necessarily realizing they are getting a healthier (although not always health-y alternative). Sunday I got together with my bestest and greatest friends, my college roommates. We’ve been through it all this group of awesome females and I: dating, marriages, births, divorces, and more than our fair share of adventures, triumphs, and just plain awesomeness. So I know they weren’t surprised to hear that I had taken up yet another new experiment, and simultaneously dropped my previous mission (running my first half marathon- It’s my ankles fault (!) I swear I will pick this one back up shortly).

So I decided to make a 7 layer bean dip for our little get together. Only I added “taco meat” to give it a little more substance. I layered it as follows:

1 can Vegetarian Refried Beans
1 cup Ground Smart meat seasoned with Taco Seasoning
1 cup Tofutti Sour Cream
1 can Fire Roasted Green Chilies
1 can sliced black olives
1.5 cups Guacamole
2 diced tomatoes
Vegan Cheddar Cheese

I even made a few extra individual portions for my Big Guy since he wasn’t able to come along. (pictured above). I promise you nobody would have known it was Vegan if I hadn’t of told them. Well, also if the cheese wasn’t so odd looking. The package said it would melt.. but it just looked like shredded burnt carrots on top- not the most appetizing. .. However, once you got past the look, it was still fantastic. In fact, the dip was the first thing to get eaten, devoured actually.

Next task: fool my father. This one may take a little more work.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT ...MEAT(?)

Surprisingly I’ve really been enjoying trying out the exotic meat alternatives out there in the market. I didn’t think I’d use them much, but kind of enjoy the whole – ‘can you believe that ISN’T meat?’ aspect of them. Even my Big Guy loves my Vegan meals, and has really supported me through my little adventure, bless him. Haven’t tried anything with tofu yet, but think that may be the next substance I conquer…

First attempt was tacos:
I used Field Roasts Mexican Chipotle “Sausage”. I crumbled it up and heated it with a shredded potato and a shredded carrot as the filling. (I’ve found shredding my vegetables is a great way of sneaking them into my foods- clearly I still have the pallet of a 5 year old )

A few minutes in the pan, and we had a nice ground meat like substance with some kick. Topped it with some lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, and then I made guac with 1 avocado and two spoonfuls of roasted red pepper hummus. The tacos had an awesome kick to it from the meat- (not quite taco meat) but still had a good flavor. Next time I’ll probably use the Smart Ground with taco seasoning. But the potatos and carrots was a good filler, and the hummus in the quac was awesome. The leftovers were great in an omlett for the Big Guy, and I ate a taco for breakfast- delish.

A few nights later I was in the mood for some Asian fare, and really craving Lettuce Wraps from P.F. Changs. So I made my Mess Free – Meat Free Lettuce Bowl instead.

1/3 c Soy sauce
1 large clove garlic
2 tsp Sesame Oil
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp honey
¼ cup water
2 green onions
Some black pepper

Mixed it all up in a bowl, added some ground “meat” and let it soak for an hour.
Then I shredded a carrot, chopped up some leek and diced up some water chestnuts and cooked them in a little vegetable stock. Throw in the “meat” and cook over medium heat until hot and tender. I covered it while it cooked, but then had to cook it a little longer to burn off some of the liquid.

Then I cooked up some Garlic and Olive Oil wheat couscous and diced up some lettuce. Throw the lettuce in a bowl; add a heaping spoonful of couscous, top with the “meat”, and finish off with some peanut crumbs. Tasty and Filling. It received a true Gold Star Rating from the Man with a “make again please” half way through the meal. Success!

Super Foods, Superhero!

Day 3 and going strong!

For those who know me, you’ll be pleased to hear that I’ve been doing my best to incorporate greens into my diet –The one thing I’ve never been very good at. Not surprising though since I was raised by a man who says “ I eat greens. Cows eat greens. And I eat cows.” So simple daddy… Some day I’m going to have to have the conversation with my father that the cows he’s been eating hardly eat greens, or any other thing that resembles a healthy diet.

My father also banned spinach in our household. No joke. We NEVER ate spinach. Something I always loved bragging about as a kid. It wasn’t that I hated spinach; it was more that in my little kid brain it made him a superhero of sorts. He had the power to ban vegetables. And at the same time, it made him one of “us”. A vegetable hater. And isn’t that what most kids were who grew up in the era of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and sugar laden juice boxes? I only knew a couple “strange” kids who loved their spinach.

But now, I realize I get to be my own superhero. Which I guess is fitting- since that is what Alicia Silverstone calls the third diet in her book- The Superhero’s Diet. I’m not following it 100% but I am trying to work it in as much as possible. I’m eating leafy greens, including huge SPINACH salads! I’ve even bought some Kambucha Tea (store bought) but am excited to learn more about these interesting, foreign superfoods. And I’m also learning, they’re really not that foreign. In fact, my co-worker who sits right next to me said he drinks Kambucha every morning. And he makes his own from the same Kambucha organisms he’s had for over 10 years. Crazy! But I like it. I’m excited to learn new things, try new things, and to be a little daring. I mean what kind of a superhero would I be if I didn’t just go for it?

Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto uh, chemicals(?), you shall return

I'm back!

I know, I know, quite the hiatus. Blame love or respect, but I just don’t feel that it’s appropriate to chronicle the inner details of my relationship with you- it'd be rude to my sweetie, and quite frankly boring for you all. But in real honesty, I realize that besides my job, that’s about all that really occupies my time these days. But now... I have a new adventure!

After months of packing on some LB’S and wondering why I’ve not only gained so much weight, but just feel like crap all the time, I’ve decided to do a little experiment and follow Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Diet so I can really see and feel how the food I eat affects me.
As today is Ash Wednesday, why not start today? (Before you make any judgments on my commitment, or lack thereof to my Roman Catholic Faith, I admit, Pope Benedict will not be celebrating my devotion, but I have been a faithful Ash Wednesday- Mass Attending- Lent Following -Catholic devoutly for at least the last 10 years).

So the journey begins. No meat. No Dairy. No sugary goodness. I’m going to go as close to macrobiotic as my vegetable hating, processed food loving, carnivorous palate will take me. Should be interesting. Entertaining to say the least. I'm prepared with a few simple cookbooks, the internet of course, and a kind co-worker who has already offered tips. Should be plenty of trials and tribulations, and if I know me ( which I sure damn hope I do)... plenty of funny stories. ( Please note: I say 'funny' as in haha- not oh look at me I'm so clever and witty. Just apt to be the girl you laugh at. I would too. I recently walked out of a bar bathroom with toilet paper hanging out of my pants... I can't make this stuff up, it just happens).

Anywho, I am excited at the challenge and ready to embrace a new way of looking at food. And in the end, hopefully perhaps I’ll tap into my body’s natural and organic strength and help it get back to the wonder God intended it to be :) … full of life, free from pain, and a little more pure.

And sans 20LB's wouldn't be so bad either.

CHANGING ROOM

Those of you who know me are quite aware that I am a nut. Those of you who don’t know me may not be so aware of this fact, but it is true. My girlfriend Ali says that I am a “fruitloop” and it is exactly this reason why people love me. Call it what you will, but me and awkward, random situations go together like peanut butter and marshmellow fluff. (I don’t like jelly).. go with me.

So in another classic moment, I recently made an ass out of myself at work…

It all started innocently enough. I was sitting at my desk when my boss who was in from out of town came down to our cubicle corner during a break from his meetings. My coworker immediately asked him if he had “solved the big mystery?”, to which I of course asked, “What mystery?”. In some regards I am glad that I did, in others- I really wish I hadn’t.

They both instantly look at me with surprise, “you don’t know?!” and my bossman chuckles.. “Oh my God, you have to see this.”
He proceeds to his office, and like the good little work drone I am, I follow right behind. Before I even have one foot in the door, he walks out, flings his arm up, and there dangling in my face is a very pretty black and white and hot pink …. BRA.

It just so happens that it is MY Black and white and hot pink bra. Without delay, I snatch the bra out of his hands and run back to my desk and shove it in my backpack. All I could think was “I like that bra!”. The look of shock on his face was priceless, as was the look on mine, I’m sure. “Wait, its yours? What the heck was it doing on my desk?” he asks as I slink into my chair, covering my face.

Right on cue my other boss walks out of his office and says, “So, you’ve solved it? It’s HERS?”…

Apparently there has been an ongoing debate for the last 3 DAYS about said bra. Why is it in the bossman’s office? Who put it there? What does it all mean? Poor bossman thought maybe it was someone telling him he was getting fat and need a bro.

Nope- it was just that I was too lazy to walk to the women’s restroom to change my clothes for the night, so I decided to change in my bosses office.

I am currently a MORTIFIED fruitloop.

LOVE STINKS…YEAH YEAH…

So things with the Bartender didn’t work out in the long run- which I knew they wouldn’t but the end to anything is still disappointing. In the end we had fun together, but while our relationship wasn’t serious- when you spend that much time with someone, things become serious. It’s hard to meld your life with someone else’s and yet keep it causal. It is definitely for the best, and we ended things amicably …for the most part.

But I do have to say I am still a little miffed about how it finished. I thought at the age of 35 men had grown into their balls- knew how to just step up a bit, face the harsh reality of life and move on. Though, now in retrospect I realize this was a foolish notion. You’d think dating two 38 yr old cowards, er, men, would have taught me something… like; men never grow up.

The Bartender clearly has not grown up. He pulled the infamous- ‘maybe I’ll just ignore her for a bit and see what happens.’ They know this is an asshole move, and yet I think about 85% of men pull this crap. They are actually okay with being perceived as an asshole rather than stepping up to the plate and saying, like an adult- “I’m just not that into you”. Females clearly are the stronger sex. The best part is, they pull this crap, and as in my case, we -brave woman that we are, call them out on it- which inevitably leads to the end.

As I unceremoniously gathered my few belongings and made my way out of his horrible apartment, he had the nerve to apologize to me for making me be the one to raise the issue. When I got to the door, I turned, kissed him goodbye and with a slight smirk said, “That’s okay. I’VE got balls.”

When I got in the car, I felt triumphant, and yet defeated. Damn, ...

Love stinks.

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED... SKYDIVING MAY NOT BE FOR YOU

I did it! I FINALLY did it. Plummeted toward the earth at a whopping 120 miles per hour, and then gently floated down under a billowing parachute for the last 1000 feet or so. I have to say it was the most exhilerating 30 seconds of my life...

When my boss suggested we go skyding as an unofficial team building event, I immediately responded I was in. I've had numerous people suggest it over the years, and have mentioned my desire to do it quite a few times, but it never actually happened, so I didn't really believe it would this time either. But then, other co-workers started responding with an excited "yes", and the next thing I knew our jump was scheduled.

In all, only 5 of us could make it, but it was a perfect 5 to do so. We had all sorts of personalities, dipostions, ages, it was a random group with a great dynamic. We drove up to the field together and upon arrival started filling out our paperwork. At this point, my excitement for jumping out of a perfectly good airplane started to wane as I read about the 19 ways in which I could possibly die, and that it wasn't the skydiving companies fault. Because afterall, my parachute was packed by a human, and as we all know humans make mistakes. Oh and p.s. "we don't have insurance." After the first few pages, I just stopped reading all together...blind faith.

After a quick 10 min video about the 3 rules of skydiving, a demonstration on arching, and all of a sudden they were reading off the names of the first group. Of course, we were the selected guinea pigs. We met our tandem buddies out near the field and they suited us up in some rather attractive jump suits, complete with leatherhead-esque helmets.

The next few minutes were filled with the whirl of the plane engine, some nervous laughter, last minute instructions and one final prayer. Though my prayer was cut short when the beat from AC/DC's "She's Got Balls" over took my mind. Duh duh duhn nah...duh duh duh duhn nah...

We opened the plane door, and I watched as my boss slid over to the doorway, nervously. He grabbed on to both sides of the exit to steady himself and then apparently had second thoughts. Next thing we all saw was his tandem instructor prying his fingers off, one by one, and away they both went.

I was next. I slid over to the door, wrapped my feet under the belly of the plane, took one second to flash the i love you sign to my dear friend, and according to the rest of the group, proceeded to scream at the highest pitched level they had ever heard.

Falling from 10,000 feet is nothing like you think it will be. The initial roll out of the plane is simply terrifying. There is that second when all of a sudden you realize you have just jumped out of a plane, for no reason other than you think it may be fun.... But then it just becomes exhilerating. There is no loss of gravity, you don't feel your stomach in your throat, you just kind of float with the wind racing by your face and filling your ears with a gentle roar.

We spun around a bit, taking in all 360degrees of the beauty that is the Northwest. I could see 3 cities, 2 mountain ranges, multiple bodies of water, and 3 large mountains. It was breathtaking. Literally. I had to remember to smile and breathe through my teeth so I could enjoy what I was taking in.

Upon safely landing, all I could do was grin from ear to ear, and wonder when I could go up again. I will never forget that feeling- and am so happy I once again proved, I've got balls. God I love my life.